“Don’t cry”, “the man is the bearer of the house”, “you are a man, you are in charge”. These are just some of the expressions that ring in the ears of a little boy as he grows up, coming from both male and female figures in his social environment. Although they do not come as a surprise – and we must have probably been used to them by now – they are omens of a concept related to what we call toxic masculinity in Social Sciences. In fact, personalities like Andrew Tate, who have caught the eye of the public recently, have intensified the discussion on healthy male standards and the expression of the male gender.
Society has adopted its own rigid ‘box’ that includes definitions of what masculinity is, what it means to be a man, and which is filled with enforced, permissible and unforgivable behaviors; any attitude found outside this box is considered not socially acceptable. This veil includes a wide range of traditional behaviors for the male population, which have an adverse effect on both the individual and the community. They may affect the individuals leading them to refuse to ask for help or to withdraw into themselves and not express their feelings. But it also affects society as a whole, with misogyny, homophobia and violence being just some of the manifestations of the issue.
Although there are many sides to this particular matter, we often neglect to consider the effect it has on the male population to which it refers. By enforcing certain stereotypical attitudes, men learn from a young age that they must behave according to a certain stereotype. They must look tough, not express their feelings, because they will look weak, not do any housework, because this is a woman’s occupation, and many more. Of course all these patterns mold men who are one-dimensional, emotionally distant, who are constantly setting limits and restricting themselves from self-expression. Those who do not conform to the standard can become objects of harassment and abuse by others until they obey social dictates as well.
For the above and many more reasons, it is vital that we teach boys, since early childhood, a different, less traditional mindset. Express your feelings freely, cry and be happy, choose any toy you like to play with and engage in the future with any profession that makes you feel complete, hug each other and wear whatever you want! We must not forget that men are also versatile creatures, with different aspects. Creatures with physical and mental needs, creatures with fears and anxieties who simply seek acceptance and love from the mass of society. Instead of putting them in molds and norms, let’s allow them to evolve and create their own being, without having to respond to social imperatives. And in this way, it will be possible for discussions and reflections to emerge regarding the necessity of an exploration and a placement through a darkness that no longer covers us. Finally, men will be allowed to embrace their gender identity with a completely different approach.
It is not easy to get rid of toxic masculinity and automatically arrive at the dissolution of gender role stereotypes. It’s important to make this first step, though, so that a 5-year-old boy doesn’t have to worry that when he grows up, the hugs and dances will end, or that he will not be able to allow himself to continue dreaming of becoming a nurse without it having a weird undertone for him.
