But I still dare to dream
When we were little children, we often woke up in the middle of the night from some bad dream; dragons, monsters, witches were just a few of the thoughts that kept us awake at night. Our mother would stroke our hair, telling us reassuringly “it was just a bad dream, it’s gone, it’s gone”, and we’d close our eyes again, hoping it would indeed be gone. And for several years in our lives, the word “dream” was carrying just that meaning.
Little by little, something else came to the fore. “My dream is to become a doctor” we said, changing the identity of it each time depending on the age at which we were asked this specific question. And so, it ceased to be only associated with our sleep and became something we could see with our eyes open; an inner longing, a goal, a desire, a deep pursuit.
I didn’t even realize when it became something more than this, than this dream. At one point, a few years ago, I was having a conversation with someone about dreams and the topic of our discussion turned to what exactly is the definition. After a quick search I came across something that caught my attention. Next to the concepts of the succession of representations, feelings and emotions that appear in the mind during sleep and the important pursuit, there was another, third definition that surprised me. A goal unrealized, elusive, a figment of the imagination, a delusion I saw the words write and my feelings turned into a huge weight, which in turn sat in the center of my chest. Who was it that had so arbitrarily forced us to consider dreams unfulfilled? How is it that the limits for something as relevant to each of us as what we consider the realization of our goals had been set already? However difficult achieving these wishes might sometimes seem, how was it possible that we were asked to put on such an absolute label?
I never expected this third meaning of the word “dream” to “hit” me so violently. However, instead of giving up and accepting what others had so easily decided for me, I tried to think; why?
The first answer that came to mind was, of course, the one familiar to each of us: fear. Fear is what leads us to stop doing and start hiding our every desire deep inside. Fear in its various forms: that of failure, that of the wrong choice, that of criticism from those around us. When I was younger, that was the explanation I gave myself, and that’s why it was the first thing I was quick to blame for people’s cowardice. But to be fair, it wasn’t always what stopped people from making their dreams come true – but then, I didn’t know that.
With these now in mind, I asked others to tell me what their unfulfilled dream is and what is stopping them from achieving it.
H. told me: “what I would really like to experience is personal freedom! I would like to be able to express my sexuality – and by extension my whole personality – without being afraid or feeling bad about it. And in this particular matter, it is none other than our own people who often hinder us, with their opposing stereotypical views, with their disdainful and disapproving comments. So, an unfulfilled dream is to be able to be myself one day, something so simple yet so difficult when I’m around them.”
B. told me: “I always knew that I would like to do something artistic. At 19-20 I ended up in photography and directing. Unfortunately, I am studying at a school that belongs to a completely different category and it is taking up all my time. Or at least that’s basically how I’d like things to be. Actually, I place the burden of responsibility on the school and not on my ignorance of how to get started, on fear, on lack of contacts and equipment. Perhaps, it’s because I refuse to ask for help. Another factor maybe uncertainty. Or maybe not. It may be that the financial crisis, the pandemic, the war, the high prices on the market are essentially our crutches in the collapse of our dreams”.
L. told me: “although unfulfilled, not for much longer though, my own dream is to be able to stand on my own two feet and to be able to support myself. Mentally I am already there, but I believe I will be one step closer to being complete as a person when I have the job that will satisfy and support me in my later dreams. At the moment I am a former student and now unemployed.”
So, I’m not going to stroke your ego or mention all the clichés of the “if you believe it hard, you will succeed” or “your only obstacle is yourself” style. Because, growing up, I realized that fear is not the only insidious enemy that hurts our dreams and kills our desires. Potential enemies of our dreams can be almost everything around us. This sounds very pessimistic you will tell me, but I can explain. There are many things that can stand in the way of what we desire; financial factors, professional obligations, health issues, relatives and friends are just some examples of what can turn us into passive beings, who only dare to plan their desires and never act to achieve them. Yes, situations will not always favor us. And this is a truth that is difficult to change.
But the attitude we will take is changing. So instead of keeping our dreams trapped in the dark, waiting for circumstances to change, we can work against circumstances so that they change because of us. To turn the absolute unfulfilled into something relevant and temporary. And, in the end, to leave the obstacles so far behind that they will look like mere dots on a map made of light, with everything we dream as turning points.
*The initials of the names were used for the purposes of the article and are fictional. There is no correlation with reality. The forms, in which the answers are provided by the audience, are and will remain anonymous.
