“I love you there’s nothing else to say but the deepest and the biggest of feelings”, this is what Mirtiotissa wrote and honored love. “I love you” Maria Kontou would sing before the view of black and white Plaka to her Antonakis, in the classic Greek movie “Let the wife fear her husband”. The journey towards love is eternal, and this is why they praise love so much. Numerous are the disappointments in our search for the “alter ego”. But when taking a decision we may realize that we had a false start. The road to searching the other “orange-half”\* requires for us to first love ourselves.
The cliché “to love someone else, you must first love yourself” bears some truth. How is it possible, I wonder, to love someone’s “wants”, someone’s merits and weaknesses, if we haven’t recognized and accepted our own? If we confronted the self as a different person, just like we do with those around us, then we may actually get to know us. We may understand this self’s wants and needs, even its deepest desires. And once we’ve watched ourselves closely, then it’s time to stop hiding and ask ourselves: Do we love ourselves? Do we appreciate who we are? Would we give ourselves all thoseample embraces that we offer to others? Do we ourselves deserve all that “sweet talk” that we’d attribute to a lover?
No need for our answers to be overweening and full of arrogance. Personal compliments are simply a result of narcissism. I am talking about love, something deeper. It’s when you recognize your positive aspects as much as your negative ones. Loving yourself means to recognize all those personality merits and not to bury them but to develop them, without being self-destructive but working to create a better version of yourself. We ought to do this for us, not for others! We ought to struggle and change our drawbacks to become better people, with compassion, kindness and empathy.
You should show love towards both your body and spirit. It’s when you prepare a good and healthy meal, when you work out, when you read and work your mind. It is also when we don’t obsess and consume yourself over a suffocating job, when we travel and satisfy ourselves with pictures and experiences, when we laugh and spend time with our loved ones. No doubt, love is also about selecting the right people to keep close. This is a great instance of respect towards ourselves, since toxic people may hurt our lives and ourselves generally. Stay away from toxic people, stay away from toxic emotions. Don’t be needlessly jealous, don’t compare yourself to others since you are unique nonetheless. Love is our selflessly offering to others. This offering has many merits since the more you help the more you feel satisfied and you feel love.
This vicious circle and disappointment when we cannot find our other half, doesn’t have to do with others but with ourselves, who haven’t yet found love in own hearts and minds. “About love” is for us then. After all, “to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” (Oscar Wilde).
*According to Aristophanes’s myth once upon a time, there were three kinds of human beings: male, female, and androgynous. The androgynous had both male and female elements, looked like an orangeand was powerful and unruly, even threatening to scale the heavens. Zeus to punish this hubris, split the androgynous being in half, deeming it powerless. Since then, we are all looking for our other half to be complete.
Translation: Niki Saridaki
Review: Miltos Bizios
