Is 29 the end?

How is your life plan going?

Have you ensured and, most importantly, decided who you will be, where you will be and what your occupation will be by the time you’re 30? If not, how much time do you have left? If you stressed out with the above questions, then congratulations, you experience the daily reality of our times.

A fear of mine has always been whether I live in the moment and make the most out of my experiences. To delve deeper, I realized that there is an unstated list of things I need to cross out in order to be considered successful. I then realized that what perfectly describes the young age of 20 is the phrase “yes, but”. Yes, you should chase your dreams, but make sure to decide soon which those are soon, so that you can secure social standing, economic security,; and above all, by the age of 29 at the latest you must have realized these goals and, of course, not changed them.

The ten commandments of young life, which most people preach like the Bible, always start with the same phrase, “you are young”, which works as the perfect excuse for anything that may follow. You are young, so live boldly, make mistakes, take risks, now is the time to be carefree, get to know yourself, broaden your horizons. Don’t settle, question the status quo of things and institutions, create the change you want to see in the world, do something new, something that’s yours and expresses you.

At the same time, however, this perfect excuse of youth, is turnsed into an accusation by the same people who preach it, who now take back the commandments they were previously advocating for. Keep things in proportion in life, don’t make so many mistakes, be more careful and make more clever choices, take on more responsibility, let people know who you are once and for all, broaden your horizons but only in a way that will ensure the predetermined success. Compromise, become part of the social flow, you won’t be the one to change the world, you fool, don’t risk too much and fail. And that’s where things become more difficult and complicated, begging the question: Sshould I learn by forging my own path, letting my own experiences mold me or should I listen to someone older who may know better? And if they do know better, is it because they stayed true to themselves or because they didn’t comply?

And that’s where the fight with the incredible phrase “when I was your age…” begins, which generates anxiety and fear that we are found lacking. It’s undeniable that if we look a few years back, the rate of acquisition of a permanent job, creation of family and full independence was by all means faster, resulting in everything falling into place sooner. The reality of then, however, is now distortedly used as a measure of evaluating our current achievements and this happens because we focus on the outcome, without examining the circumstances and context within which we live. And as society keeps turning non measurable values like happiness into measurable ones, the achievements needed to be considered successful have changed and multiplied. So no, at that age I won’t need to have built my own house, because it’s perfectly acceptable to rent one, I need not be married because it’s perfectly acceptable to be against marriage, I need not be a parent because I may not wish to take on that role. But I do need, as is asserted by society, to have a university degree, maybe a postgraduate degree as well, to have learnt a second or even a third language, to actively participate in activities, to take on and manage multiple roles, to constantly acquire new knowledge, to have a personal and social life, to take care of my mental health and find time to rest. And while the time window remains, of course, unchanged, precisely because the expectations are increased, it now looks narrow, almost suffocatingly so, making the overall “success” by the age of 30 practically impossible.

But let me not be absolute, so I may avoid potential misunderstandings; a person can, of course, achieve the above while being functional. The deciding difference in this case is to have a strong will, to consciously make the choices that make one happy and secure a smooth path in the aspects of life one prioritizes. But what happens when the original goal/dream, you set your heart on at the tender age of 18, changes or was never in line with the social expectations and demands in the first place? Why must I acquire a degree I won’t use, why must I study something that doesn’t interest me, why must I waste those years for no good reason? Why can’t I do it in reverse, try for what I want and dream first, and study for a degree at a later time? How much do we truly accept changing one’s path at 25 or 30? When I, as a person, have changed, why should my choices remain the same?

The truth is that most of us are afraid of change, and that is to be expected when success has always been a one-way street and a demand. We all try to satisfy not just ourselves, but also our parents, the extended family, society and the world in general, that keeps talking without saying anything. From a young age they have revealed to us the tools that will lead to success, expertly failing to teach us how to fail, stealing the glory that can be found in failure- doesn’t this sound funny? Of course, failure isn’t necessarily something bad, it helps you evolve, it teaches things success never will, it frees you and gives you the chance to try again, gifting you with a blank page, liberating you from your own mistakes.

All in all, what I want to say, and maybe what many have the need to hear, is that we owe our devotion to no one but ourselves. So, it’s okay if you want to change your choices, whenever and as many times as you wish, as long as you aim for the best possible outcome. But the best for you, as you have defined and know it; after all, the distance between wish and fear is merely a decision.

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