Dear younger self,
It’s been a while since I tried to talk to you. It’s been so long that I don’t remember anymore. I was counting the days, but at some point, I ran out of fingers. I stopped. Counting got heavier… so I just stopped.
You’ve grown up. I watch you, however, silently through my thoughts even though I don’t talk to you that often. Those moments when I think of you, I feel like I’m standing behind a window, through which I’m watching the images unfold. I haven’t forgot about you. Every time I look at these pictures, I see you in them, and I feel that I’m coming closer to you.
You’ve grown up. You have achieved what you most desired: a place in the adult world. “I’m not a little kid,” you used to say, and now it’s true. You are not that little child who is curiously exploring the world around. Now, you don’t seem to wonder at all and, by now, it’s as if you’ve learned all the quirks, the mannerisms, the idiosyncrasy of this self. “Wait until I grow up, then you’ll see what I can do!” you were saying. Did you eventually manage to show the world what you can do? Have you acquired all the freedoms and rights that your childish soul could not get enough of while dreaming about your life as an “adult”?
You’ve grown up. I see you through that window. Sometimes you look happy and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes I recognize in your eyes that spark they used to have and sometimes it is as if it has been hidden behind the clouds of everyday life. Sometimes you seem to have achieved what you want and sometimes you secretly worry at night about whether they will finally become yours.
You’ve grown up. But you were waiting for these “big ones” and you weren’t seeking to enjoy the ride. You yearned to taste the adult world, without realizing that each of your “present moments” would take you there. Maybe on your way there, you let some moments slip away, without paying much attention. Maybe you’ve realized their value now that they’ve become memories. How many times did grandma make you your favorite cookies? How many times did you and mom decorate the Christmas tree? Did you go on vacation at the seaside? Did you fall while learning how to ride a bike? Did you come back full of mud after playing in the neighborhood? Did you go on a school trip? Did you cook with your aunt at home in the village?
If you ask your friends, they will also tell you so many other moments that they might appreciate now that they have become memories.
G. will tell you “All I can think about is a moment with my cousins at our summerhouse. There we had palm trees and one morning – when we were probably extremely bored and wondering why we can’t go to the sea earlier – I had an idea that captures all my childhood imagination: we would cut the leaves from the palm trees and fly. The girls were excited like any child who loves fairies, dragons but is not a big fan of flying insects. This is certainly not the best childhood memory of my life, but it is one that demonstrates childhood innocence at its best. This naivety that would be beautiful to keep as we grow older.”
Z. will tell you “Christmas – that time of the year when magic overwhelms us – in the kitchen making delicious “sins”, with my most beloved person; my grandmother. A person who gave life to aspects of myself that I didn’t even know existed. One of the people who will always be in my heart and will always come to my memory with the most pleasant memories, the most beautiful hugs, the biggest smiles.”
You’ve grown up. You earned the place you thought you deserved in the adult world. What you didn’t know is that you were going to win this position anyway. No one escaped that.
You’ve grown up. Have you achieved everything you wanted to in your adult life? Have you made your dreams come true? Have you loved? Have you fallen in love? Have you studied; Have you succeeded? Everything you are and everything you’ve done is because of those memories. In these moments that you now remember. You became the person you are today because – unwittingly sometimes – you stopped caring about the “after” and let yourself enjoy the “present”. Those nights with the kids from the house next door chilling in their yards. Those endless fairy tales that your mother used to read to you. Those moments while playing tag and chasing your classmates in the town square.
You’ve grown up. Your memories are a huge part of who you are today. So don’t ignore them. Don’t put them aside. Love them. Don’t chase a future plan- I will do this, I will be that. Think about what you are doing, what you are becoming, what is now unfolding before you. Live, make mistakes, do the right things, dream, chase what you want, smile, cry, make memories…
You’ve grown up. I’m also standing here, behind the window, seeing that little child living moments, building memories, and moving forward with courage towards everything that this person wants to achieve.
You’ve grown up. And I’m proud of you!
The initials of the names were used for the purposes of the article and are fictional. There is no correlation with reality. The forms, in which the answers are provided by the audience, are and will remain anonymous.
