During our first seconds on this earth, one would say something completely strange happens. The moment the doctor holds you in his arms and announces your birth, everyone will only wish for one thing: for you to cry. And that time will probably be the only time, in your entire later life, that everyone will pray that you cry. Because that cry is so vital, since it means that you are alright.
They were holding their breath to hear the raspy voice come out of your mouth, and the very next moment something even stranger happens. From that point on, a mission begins for the people who love you: to make you smile. This is really contradictory if you consider that they ask you to live your life in a different way than the one they wanted you to have in your first moment in this world.
You, however, as if aware of the paradox of the case, obstinately refuse for some time to give them what they ask for. As if you chose that your first welcome into their world was what predetermined your path. Therefore, your people spend hours, days, even months, crouching over your head, using their best “tricks” to trick you into giving them what they want. Mum sings to you, dad waves you back and forth in the air, grandma shows you pictures, big brother makes his funniest faces. At some point, you get carried away. You smile and the lives of those around you suddenly take on a new meaning. The moment you realize this, you surrender. And you decide that this is the feeling you prefer.
However, you don’t give your first smile to everyone. You are probably very selective about them. Unwittingly, you even make them compete on who will get the first smirk on your lips. And you come, as a judge in their fight, to celebrate the winner you think deserves it a little more than the others.
This person is, at that moment, your most important one.
In the course of your life, this person may change; face, tensity, quality, even number. If you’re lucky, you’ll be surrounded by more than one person who is your significant other.
If you ask different people, each will tell you about their own significant other. I asked them anyway.
N. told us “my boyfriend. As strange as it sounds, he’s the only one who makes me laugh, even in the most difficult situations.”
P. told us “my grandmother because she is 72 years old and feels like 20!”
T. told us “my dad, because he always supports me in all the decisions I make and is there for me every time things don’t go the way I want”.
Since that very first smile, everything became clear. You’ve been searching, waiting or taking a few steps back, until you find the person that is worth giving your smile to again. The one who would dry up your tears and make you stop crying.
And this person came in many different forms. Siblings, parents, relatives, friends, casual acquaintances, partners. Each of us has at least one person in our life who feels important to us. A person who we look at and can’t help but smile, like the first time. A person who is there, to cover the darkness and illuminate the worst moments with their own unique beautiful colors. Someone who has eyes full of sparks, able to burn away every doubt that destroys dreams. Someone with the heart of a small child, who does not know hatred, malice and pettiness. Someone who has a hug so healing, able to make all the fragments of every wounded soul stick together again.
They say that when you look at a person you are attracted to, your body releases oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, hormones that are thought to be associated with joy and positive emotions. You smile. And that smile is capable of lighting up the whole room.
So, you mentally go back to that first moment in the maternity ward and wonder: shouldn’t they be begging to see smiles spread across my face rather than tears running down my cheeks? Maybe those first minutes of mine should be marked by the warmth of the smile since everyone around me is ultimately fighting for it, right? It would make perfect sense, based on their following behavior. However, all that matters is probably that first smile, that smile that came out of tears and lit up the world. The one that marked the moment when any other person became your significant other person.
*The initials of the names were used for the purposes of the article and are fictional. There is no correlation with reality. The forms, in which the answers are provided by the audience, are and will remain anonymous.
Photograph: TEDxAUTH 2023 Photography team
